Day 24-The fight

Those who had their doubts......almost 22 years together!

Day 24-Wen. Oct 13, 2010

Had my interview this morning and I guess I passed cause tomorrow I get to do it all over again with the person who would actually be my boss.  So proud of myself....I got a green tea at Starbucks today instead of my usual cappuccino.  I am so not who I used to be.  The rest of the day went into the crapper though.  Ram and I had our once every six weeks airing of grievances.  Not fun.  Totally threw me out of whack.  Didn't feel like doing yoga or meditating.  I blame it on nutrient deficiencies from only eating fruit for three days.....Ram say it is being a woman.  We must be making progress though cause Ram was actually talking to me by bedtime.  Still infatuated with yoga.  Could someone please open a hot yoga studio in Spring  and not Bikram.......I like clothing.

Day 23-Balance

My daughter doing a tree pose at my mother's yoga studio.

Day 23-Tuesday Oct. 12, 2010

Food, glorious food!  Yes at 12:01am I have a delicious slice of cheese.  I think I missed the texture of food the most.  I followed the cheese up with some oatmeal....comfort food I guess.  I did feel pretty proud of lasting the full three days and for a split second thought about continuing the fruit fast a few more days then sanity kicked in.  I lost another pound which brought my total weight loss to 12 pounds and was very excited.  Missed class this morning due to an inservice I had to stay for....why I stayed I don't know because I fell asleep during it.  I just pray I didn't snore.  Decided I needed to stay home today and tonight to spend some time with the family.  I was going to be gone the next two nights.  That night Ram and I did yoga via podcast in the "zen den"  aka his office.  It was a great workout.  Actually did my side plank finally and even hopped back to high plank.  I guess I wasn't afraid to try it since I didn't have a room full of proficient yogis watching.  Told my mom about and she told me to quit being so performance driven!  Side note.....got a call to come interview for a brand new hospital the was opening down the street in a little over a month.

Day 22-Rewards

Tea is saving me from fruit intoxication!

Day 22-Monday, Oct. 11, 2010

Awoke this morning feeling so much better and my mood was great because I knew in less than 18 hours I was gonna be eating again.  GLORIOUS DAY!!!!  Got on the scale and was rewarded with the numbers.....I am now down 11lbs since starting this journey.  Also found out I could have vegetable broth....a God-send!  I am not a sweet tooth kinda person......I love salty things.  My hubby threatens occasionally to buy me a salt lick.  I decided since I didn't take my rest day last week I would do that today.  However by mid-afternoon I was feeling weak in the food restraint department so I went for a relaxing two mile run.  Got my meditation done, napped, and then headed out to work.  Actually thought about continuing on the fruit fast since I felt so good......but rethought it at midnight.  I definitely think the fast was a good thing......but not too pleasant the first two days.  Must have needed some serious detox.

Day 21-Fatigue

My sad dinner.

Sunday-October 10th-Day 21

Woke up with the same headache I went to sleep with, but it wasn't as severe.  Okay only 48 hours left.  I can do anything for 48 hours.  Now reconsidering why I thought going on Survivor would be fun.  Was feeling slightly better, but bananas were becoming repulsive to me.  Church and the mind numbing vortex of my kids activities keep me busy enough to not be tempted to defruitify myself.  Talked Ram into making a second trip to the yoga studio for a Sunday evening 90 minute class.  Any thing I could do to keep me away from the tomato basil Wheat thins was a good thing.  Felt so much better after I sweated out my toxins.  As we entered the studio, the class before us had just gotten out and the room was nice and "juicy" already complete with weird sweat funk smell.  Mental note......if I open a sweaty yoga studio must invest in Febreze or incense.  My mat was coated in white sweat salt and so when I got home I took a shower with my mat.  Brilliant idea Ram!!!!!!

AWWW....our clean mats!

Went to bed feeling much better!!!!!!

Day 20-Half Way

The view of downtown on the way to the yoga studio early this morning.

Day 20-October 9th, 2010

Those of you who had your doubts.......Today marks the half way point.....Woot!  So what better way to celebrate than to eat up at 6am on a Saturday and truck me and Ram's happy butts down to the yoga studio for a power hour class.  I used to get up an do insane marathon training on Saturdays but my long runs have now been replaced by a room full of bend pretzely people omming and sweating like nobodies business.  Had a good class.  Also today I began my 3 day fruit body cleansing fast.  Yipee.  By dinner time I was so ready to eat my own child Ram thought I was best to take the kids out to eat.  That way I was no tempted to eat other delicious mouth watering food items or my own offspring.  Also he probably wanted to get away from me and my caffeine withdrawal headache too.  I actually made it through the grocery store without one food sample.  Suddenly the fruit section seemed so much smaller when I was looking at it only that for 3 days.  While the fam was out stuffing themselves with awful unhealthy food items I decided I would go for a run....hoping that would kill my headache and also keep me away from the food with the food Nazi (aka Ram) was gone. Run was okay, but still felt like crapola.  Decided to just sleep it off and went to bed at 9pm after meditating.  Keep thinking of how sick of fruit I was during meditation.  Not a stellar day.

Day 19-Confessions

Made it 19 days....come to mama!

Day 19-Friday, October 8,2010

As I left work and after being up all night I debated if I should go home and become comatose or go to the studio and get my class in.  Strangely enough yoga won out over sleep again.  Got to the studio about 45 minutes before they were open.....bizarre Houston traffic today.  Couldn't go in and nap on my mat so I decided to nap in the old minivan.  Wondered if people walking by thought I was homeless or too much tequila last night.  Didn't really care cause I was stinkin beat.  Awoke to a car door slamming next to me.  Oh crap.....I better get my rear in gear and get in the studio before I am stuck in the front row with my grounded crow pose.  Walked in.....awesome.....cozy window spot in back row still open.  Staked my spot.....went to change....then buenos noches.  Awoke when to music cut off to start class.  Crap again.....I could be sleeping in my bed instead I am about to subject my body to pretzel like positions for 75 minutes......why I ask......because I have become a YOGAHOLIC!  Had a great practice and left totally recharged......and also got a good parking lot and mat nap in.  Got home and totally couldn't sleep.  Finally went to sleep at 1pm to be awakened at 4pm by my wonderful offspring.  Hmmmm.....bickering, fighting.   I think I need to go for a run.  Ran 3 miles....bliss.  Came home and hubby wanted to go to Chick-fil-a.  Okay I am a weak woman.  I knew I was starting a 3 day fruit fast tomorrow so I said what the hey......I GOT A CHICK-FIL-A sandwich and brace yourselves.....a large diet coke.  I know.....but I skipped the waffle fries!  I came home a had a ranch rice cake binge.  Okay yes I felt guilt and remorse but it was stinkin good and I will pay for it the next three days with my fruit fast.

Day 18-Bikram

Seriously.....a speedo?

Day 18-Thursday October 7,2010

Began my day at 5:30am meeting my friend Tonya for spinning class.  Needed a little friend time and if I had to get up at 5:30am and pedal a bike to nowhere for an hour so be it.  Got to catch up a little bit between jumps and sprints.  The room actually seemed cool to me and I didn't sweat near as much as I used to.  Kinda felt cheated to work out for an hour and not be wringing with sweat.  A friend sent me a web site link where you could go for a free week of yoga so I decided to try Bikram since it was so close to me.  Off I went to the 8:30 class.  Walked in and the reception area seemed like a spa or salon.  They seemed very nice and I actually saw minivans in the parking lot.  They showed me where the studio was and I walked in.  First thing I noticed was a big stage and it had a machine on it blowing steam into the air.  Hello frizzy ball hair.  The temperature in the studio was super hot....like 100 degrees.  Very uncomfortable.  I am used to a studio that is about 90-93 degrees.  Kinda felt like hell.  Also the studio was carpeted.  How are they gonna mop up my sweat funk?  Next thing I noticed was alot of the people had on very little clothes.  Like jog bra and tight bikini bottom lookin hot pants.   Okay......I WILL NEVER EVER DRESS LIKE THAT for yoga.  Don't they know I have had multiple children?!?  I was a little alarmed that I didn't know the secret handshake and was supposed to put my mat in a certain spot.  The instructor already figured out who I was and she new my name.  They must be forewarned to watch the newbies and make sure they don't wind up passed out on the floor or wind up in a fetal ball crying "Uncle".  Class started major weird. Thought Baptiste breathing was weird....he has nothing on Bikram.  They did some hold your hands under your chin and flap your elbows like a bird breathing.  It was all I could do not to laugh.  Class was okay. Yoga seemed a little chopping.  I am used to the nice flow of Baptiste.  I can't believe I got through class without one down dog.  At the end they end they did some pant like a dog shake your belly cleansing breathing.  Soooooo funny.  I WILL NEVER DO THAT EITHER!  After class they gave me a nice iced raspberry tea and the instructor was very complimentary and invited me back.  Not sure about that.  At least I didn't have to ommmm but I found Bikram to be very pretzel like and not one block to help with the postures.   I will say they have a stinkin nice dressing room though and showers!!!!!

Day 17-Calmness

My mom and Barron Baptiste

Day 17-Wen. October 6, 2010

Got up realizing I was behind in every aspect of my life.  Decided oh well....gotta go to yoga class.  Those of you who know me know that is not like me to leave stuff undone.  Somehow it really didn't matter that the laundry was backed up and the dishes were piled high....I had to get my yoga in.  

I think we are relocating our closets to the living room.

Did my meditation/prayer time then headed off to yoga.  Still not one minivan in the parking lot.  It is almost like I leave my suburban world to the downtown Montrose yoga world.  Had a young guy right next to me and my competitive gene fired.....why does a 42 year old mom think she can keep up with a 20 something guy.....especially dumb side plank pose that I can't seem to do without modifications.  I am feeling very at ease with being so close to people now.  Everyone in very focused and truly not paying attention to you.  Everyone is just trying to stay on their own mat and not crash into each other.  Still don't like ommmmmming and breathing weird but it is growing on me.  Actually called today to a local studio who is doing a basics workshop on Saturday.  Not a heated studio so we shall see.  I am lovin the heated studio now.  My friend Angie has renamed it "Sweaty Yoga."

Day 16-Chaos

My son and my mom can do this stupid crow pose that I can't even get airborne on!

Day 16-October 5, 2010-Tuesday

Found meditation and class very hard today.  Yogis say how you are in your life shows up on your mat.  That being said......apparently I am very scattered and off balance right now.  Watched my instructor show us how to leap into crow pose....and tried not to run out of the studio in fear.  Didn't think it was wise to try that after a chaotic night of codes, admissions, and patients going to surgery.  Talked with a teacher training place today and it made me very excited.  After 20 years of nursing would really like to try something new.  If it makes me look like my mother I am totally down with it.  Tonight was our 40 days meeting night too.  Glad to hear that others are struggling with diet and meditation too.  Have no problem getting the yoga in, but the others are becoming hard.  Still haven't had meat.  Bought a ham flavored meat at the store today.....kinda looked like Alpo.

Spent alot of time talking about the upcoming fruit fast.  We get to eat only fresh fruit for 3 days.  Can't wait....not.  Supposed to cleanse our body of toxins.  Plan on starting Saturday since I am off for three days and can be close to the bathroom.  Bought a copy of the Yoga Journal for my bathroom reading. Definitely feel myself changing into a more aware person. 

Day 15-Exhaustion

My mom sent me some of her classes.  She is my hero.  

Monday October 4th, 2010-Day 15

Started the week at work last night watching my patient die.  I got extremely close to this family because that was my story 3 years ago with my father.  I can see how my life experiences aided in helping this family go through the process of saying goodbye.  It always fascinates my watching what happens to the human body as this life ends.  Kinda morbid I know.  Had planned to go to the studio after work but was so drained I came straight home and went straight to my meditation stop to process the night and talk it out with God.  Then hit the hay for about 5 hours of recharging.  Got up and Ram offered to do yoga with me. Don't know why I don't like to do yoga by myself.  Started the heater and did my meditation/prayer.  Then my hubby and I did an hour podcast yoga class.  Good workout, but still work harder in the studio.....I think it is due to peer pressure and I am slightly competitive and am always trying to be one of the better ones in class which is hugely frustrating since my body won't bend the way I want it too.  I am now totally preoccupied with yoga now.  I spend all my time doing it , studying it, and surfing web sites.  After 20 years as a nurse, I am more frustrated than ever with what people do to themselves.....heart disease, obesity, smoking, ods.  Since I have started doing adult ICU over the last 16 months I am astounded at what people do to themselves.  I really want to help people stay well and improve their life....that is why am now so fixated on yoga.  Always wanted to be an athlete, personal trainer, fitness guru.  I hope I am on that journey now.  I have a long way to go in my own fitness and diet but am excited to think that I could spend my days helping people stay well not pick of the pieces after the fact.  Our society is rewarding poor life choices....ie disability.  Time to reframe our thinking.  End diatribe.

Day 14-Sabbath Day

I

I wore my yogi shirt to church.....is there a separation of yogidom and religion?

Day 14-October 3rd, 2010

Okay I have made it two weeks on my journey and I can say that I think I am turning into a yogi.  Yoga is always on my mind now.  I plan my day on when I can get to the yoga studio.  I am still fantasizing about having my own studio and I have quite marathon training.  Yoga is actually more of a challenge to me than 26.2.  My 42 year body just doesn't bend the way it used to and I have to work much harder to get my body to respond than I do running.  Today at church was the first time ever that I raised my hands over my head in worship.....weird yoga is what is driving me closer to the Creator.  Since it was my rest day.....I did exactly that.  I awoke from my Sunday afternoon siesta with a nap hangover.  The weather was glorious so I zipped through meditation/quite time and decided to see how a run felt.  After 2 miles I decided I really didn't want to be doing this and just took a relaxing walk and enjoyed to weather.  I am so not a walker type of person and I am starting to wonder who is taking over my body.  Since it has been two week I thought I would do an assessment of my journey thus far:

Top 10 Things I like about Yogidom

1.  How I feel in savasana (aka.....thank God class is over pose)

2. No children in the studio

3. I have lost 9 pounds

4. I am calmer (don't ask my son though)

5. I feel better than I have in a long time

6. My skin is shiner

7.  Cool Indian music

8. Smell of incense

9.Meeting people who are very different from me

10.My new yoga mat

Top 10 Things I dislike about Yogidom

1. Ommmmmmmmmmmm

2.  Weird breathing

3. Having to shave my armpits daily

4. Sweat funk smell

5.Long drive to the studio

6. Crowded classes

7. No Chick-fil-a

8. Dumb side plank pose

9. People who bring their cell phone into the classroom

10. No one drives a minivan at the studio!!!!!!!

Day 13-Stage Fright

Starting to resemble a pack mule heading to work these days.

Saturday-October 2, 2010

Left work exhausted.  So tempted to go home and crash, but knew I needed my fellow yogis to get a good workout in.  Actually went to tell the girl I was giving report to that we needed to get going cause I had a yoga class to get to.....nice I know.  Hit warped speed on the the way to class so I could get a spot. Had to stop for gas and once again got it on my foot.  Peachy.....not only do my feet smell like I have been up for 16 hours, now they have gas fumes on them.  If I ever open my own studio a foot defunking station is a must.  Texted my husband that I was on my way to yoga (yes, I confess I was driving when I did this) and he text back he was too.  I was so happy.....now I would have someone to grunt with that I knew well.  Got to the studio, changed, scrubbed my feet and went into the sauna room.  Looked around and there was my beloved husband......in the front row......and had saved me a spot right next to him.  FRONT ROW......is he nuts?  Almost ran for the door, but he seemed very relaxed so I joined him.  Apparently people knew my feet stunk so no other takers for the front row.  I have to admit it was nice not to have people's rears or feet in my face but the front is for people who know what they are doing.  Did the class okay.  Attempted my first crow.....I think I got up in the pose for like a second.  I still want to know how you do that weird sleestack breathing when your nose is stopped up.  I tried to do it, but was fearful I would blow snot everywhere.  Did my meditation/prayer/quite time both times today.  Got to sleep and every got to squeeze in a quite dinner with the hubby.  Had a glass of wine and by an hour later had a severe headache......confession......I attempted to cure my headache with a Rt 44 Diet Coke.  It helped.  Tomorrow is a new day.  My name is Jill Tackett.....and I am a Diet Coke addict.  They say admitting you have a problem is the first step.  

Day 12-Not with the program today

The yoga "care package" from my mommy, Jan Atkins, owner of Fish Tree Yoga in Pensacola.

Day 12-October 1, 2010

Received a package from my wonderful tofu eating yogi mom yesterday.  See ya slip-n-slide mat of my daughters.  I am a stylin yogi now.  I even got some of her yogi-me-downs so now I can sweat next to perfect body girl and at least match.  Got home from work today and was totally exhausted.  Made a bee line for my bed.  My husband...."aren't you gonna meditate?"  Me.......grunt, sneer, close the bedroom door.  I am sure he was thinking lovely.  Got horizontal and didn't move for the next 5 hours.  Awoke finally and had sheet wrinkles on my face.  Put on my new yoga togs and headed up to heat the mancave and meditate.  Burned my finger while lighting the candle....great start.  Got still, calm and was zipping through my meditation and was 2/3 done when the light flicked on.  Freaked me out.  Called for my hubby, but he was at lunch with his company.  Opened the door and there stood our little dog Thor looking at me.  Naw he can't reach the light.  Apparently didn't get the switch flicked all the way down and it turned itself on.  Crap....I have to start over again.  Really hard to focus now.  Finished up and started my yoga on my new super nice Jade mat.  For some reason I thought changing mats would magically make me stronger.  Struggled through the whole practice. Tried side plank without the modification and crashed and burned.  How can I lift 400 lb people at work and not lift myself.  Oh wait, I have help.  My tree pose which is usually one of my better poses kinda resembled a tropical storm flailing all over.  Maybe my body was rebelling that is was not gonna get a Coke Zero today or maybe I should have gone to the studio this morning.  I do much better at home with my husband practicing with me.  I am realizing that I do not like to work out alone and need people around to energize me.  I guess that is why I have had a gym membership since I was 15 and almost always had a running buddy to train with for marathons.  I like community.  So tomorrow morning after work I will trot my happy hiney in my new matching clothes down to the studio to sweat with the yogis.

Day 11-Letting go

My last soda...sniff, sniff...it's been a great ride.

Day 11, September 30, 2010

Awoke this morning know I was going back to work tonight after enjoying a few days off.  It is always hard to go back after more than a day off.  Got the kids off to school.  I was planning on going to the noon power hour class and I knew I wouldn't be able to nap after that so I went back to bed.  Slept til 10am....delicious.  Got up, meditation, then headed out to class.  Fruit still sitting on the counter waiting to be cut up.  Got to the studio and got my spot.  Man does it feel good to lay on my mat in a warm studio.  Noticed a guy two spots over from me...asked him if it was his first time (he was wearing socks).....and wished him luck.  I know exactly how he was feeling.  I was still feeling a little like a fish out of water with my kid's yoga mat, my beach towel, and some weird pajama stretchy type pants I had been alternating with my running tights.  Yoga is almost like this exclusive club with weird language and  a special handshake.  It is almost like you need a class on how not to stick out in class.  The lady next to me was the perfect example of a together yogi.  Nice mat, cool yoga towel, matching outfit, and perfect body...hate her(just kidding).  Had a really good class except perfect body lady next to me had her iphone with her which kept vibrating.  I almost said, please just check it so it will quite making that noise.  I had a hard time focusing cause I was irritated by that stinkin phone.  I had to stare right at it when we had our ear on the mat.  She even put it up on her block at one time.  I almost told her....."you know my husband ruined two iphone with sweat while running."  Seems petty but that studio is one of the few times in my life that I don't have any interruptions.  I know I need to let go......which I finally did in the savasana (aka....lay on your back and thank God class is over)...btw my favorite part of class.  Tried to do something healthy for myself and went to Smoothie King for lunch.  Now off to cut up fruit then work.......

FYI....As of October 1st I am giving up one of my biggest vices in life....Coke Zero and Diet Coke.  Those of you that know me must be in shock right now.

Day 10-Fruitopia

My groceries!

September 29th, 2010 Wednesday

This week's theme is vitality and the diet focus is fresh food.  In an effort to clean up my diet, I purchased tons of fruit on this trip to HEB.  I do feel better when I eat well, however I think I am addicted to fast food.  I noticed at my son's football game how many parents and kids are overweight and unhealthy looking.  I also notice that most of the people in my group who raised their hands we they asked who were vegan looked healthy and almost glowing.  I so want that for my family and myself.  I didn't want to send them into shock by chucking all the goldfish and cheezits, so I plan on slowly weaning all of us off the junk.  My husband said he has been preaching that for a year, but I am head strong and have to come around on my own.  I missed my morning meditation time due to the chaos of the morning, but made it to the studio with plenty of time to get my spot on the next to last row.  I think the studio is becoming my second home.  I told my husband that was gonna have to get laser hair removal cause I was getting tired of shaving my underarms every day (one advantage to doing yoga at home- no shaving).  Had a great class and even inquired about an inversion workshop.  I want to be one of those amazing head standing people.  Evening meditation flew by.  Still finding myself thinking about yoga all the time and surfing the net for info.  Who am I and where is the middle-aged suburban mom?

Day 9-Day Dreaming

Barnes and Noble Purchases

Day 9-Tuesday September 28th, 2010

Zipped right through my morning meditation and prayer time.....actually enjoyed it.  Then I headed off to Barnes and Noble to pick up some more reading on this yoga thing.  Wanted some background on yoga and the different types. Then off to my power hour lunch class.  Two of the teachers were in my class today.....I guess they have to keep up their ended of the challenge too.  I left feeling great and stopped into Subway for a veggie patty sandwich......still not sure what is in the patty.  Returned that evening for the second group meeting of our "40 day to Personal Revolution."  Walked into the room right after class had just been held for 90 minutes and it was like a sauna and a special sweat funk smell.  My hair was an instant frizz ball....so much for the straightener.  We had to each lay down some "brick".....aka life issue....if we had one.  I narrowed it down to my house being a disaster zone:

Then we did "check in".  That is where you choose from a list of words to say how you are feeling. I chose happy cause I really am.  Then we did acknowledgements and I acknowledge my family for helping during these 40 days.

My hubby has lost 60 lbs since this was taken.

Got to share with my buddy and this week is on vitality and fresh foods in our diet.  Got to see how much stuff I eat comes out of a packet.  Probably most.  My affirmation I said this week is "I will simplify.  Realization......can't be a wife and mom of 4 , full time ICU nurse, yogi, and train for a marathon.  I am giving up marathoning for now to concentrate on yoga.  I may still run but it won't be for long distances.  I actually think "sweaty" yoga is a better workout than training for a marathon (and I have ran 5).

Week Two-Hoooked

This is the back porch of the yoga studio where my journey began sitting there staring at the Budhha statue.

Day 8-Monday September 27th, 2010

Headed straight down to the yoga studio after working all night for a 9:15 am class.  Hadn't been there in three days and was actually looking forward to it.  Holy cow....did I say that.  The weather had changed and it was a beautiful cool fall day.  Survived the Houston summer once again.  Reason to celebrate.  Went into the studio, stripped off my scrubs and donned yoga togs and went to go claim one of the prized spots in the back.  Looked at the spot on the last row I had kept the whole last week and decided I knew enough to move up a row.  Felt a little stressed as one of the yoga teachers took a spot behind me......just don't fall on her is what a kept telling myself.  Didn't want to be known as the class spaz. Had a great class and even did a wheel (aka back bend) three times.  Still can't figure out the breathing they do.....kinda sounds like Darth Vader.  Also the ommmmmmms is still weird to me.  They always at the beginning of class to set your intention.....mine is always the same.....do the class, don't throw up, don't knock someone over, don't fall off my mat, and don't pass gas.  Those of you reading this.....I know we have all struggled with the last one.  I am very stressed this is gonna happen to me.  Left class accomplishing ALL of my intentions.....proud to say.  Also left very awake which was unfortunate since I needed to get some sleep.  Went home showered and went up to the meditation zone and actually was chilled so I turned on the space heater to warm me.  Big mistake.  Did my 5 minutes of quiting then did my prayer time.......and fell asleep for 45 minutes.  Awoke sweating in front of the space heater then headed down to bed for a couple more hours.  I had the typical busy afternoon but remained less stressed than I usually am.  Had fried rice for dinner and realized it had chicken in it.  Ate it anyway because HB fried rice is the best!!!!!! Mistake #2....big time stomach ache.  Guess my body is adjusting to a meatless diet.  Truly haven't missed meat that much.  Feeling energetic, I decided to go do a run....still holding to the idea I am gonna run another marathon in February.  While running in the dark a bug flew in my mouth....wondered if that counted as meat?  Finished freaking out and my run and hit the shower again for the second time.  No wonder my laundry is a never ending basket.  Had a easier second mediation and prayer time....in fact the gong interrupted my conversation with the Creator.  Felt compelled to finish up...."Sorry God.....out of time for today......I'll catch you in the morning."  Hmmmmm......wonder what He thought of that....."sorry Jill.....out of time.......I'll check on you later."  Yikes!

Day 7-Evaluation

Completed my week one log!

Day 7-September 26th, 2010

Well I made it to the end of my first week and no one found me in a fetal ball in the corner of the yoga studio and I didn't eat Chik-fil-a one time (truly a feat!).  As it was Sunday (aka Sabbath...day of rest) it did exactly that.  I slept all day.  Mainly cause I had to work again that night, but also due to my lack of sleep during the weeks events.  I have learned this past week......IT IS EXTREMELY HARD TO MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF....but you will it you are blogging about it.....just kidding.  You will if it is a priority.  After my first week I have lost 8 pounds.....lack of Chik-fil-a I'm sure.  I am feeling great, calmer, more focused.  I am not as easily angered (my children may say different) and am basically happier than I was a week ago.  Must confess I am starting to fantasize about having my own yoga studio.  Guess I should learn all the poses first.  Meditation/quite time is starting to become a habit.  Almost used up a whole candle!  Went to work refreshed and recommitted to the week ahead.  My mother is amazed that after she has been a yogi for 10 years I am finally taking an interest in yoga.  She has always talked about the benefits, but never forced it on me.  She is so thrilled she is sending up new nicer yoga mats......I guess the one I swiped from Hannah's kid yoga kit isn't the best padding for my rumpus.  

Day 6-Out of sorts

Can't believe a 42 year old women is having to invest in this.....6 days of sweating will BREAK YOU OUT!

Day 6-Saturday, September 25th, 2010

I thought I would be able to get to get some extra rest and sleep in since it was Saturday, but my offspring had other ideas.  I awoke to shrieking and yelling as they we unsupervised and tend to digress into survival of the fittest with no referee around.  Minds me of "Lord of the Flies" minus the cliff.  So up I was....five hours of sleep.....yipee.  I went to do my meditation thinking that would help my mood but wound up clock watching......when is that pie gonna be done!!!!!  Thinking I would do yoga in the afternoon with the hubby I hit the road of a 3 mile kid free run.  My husband is convinced the only reason I run is so no one can bug me.....I call it personal sanity time.  Had a decent run.  Caught up a little on my blog then off to purchase cleats and take youngest biological off to flag football. 

New cleats!

Let's just say......flag football did not go well.  It was extremely disorganized.  We went for practice and they told us to return at 1:30 for the actually game.  By 3:30 we finally got to play.  We were there 5 fives and he played 12 minutes several of which he spent on my lap crying because he said, "I'm lost.....I have no idea what to do."  I normally would just blow a gasket and leave and never go back, but something kept telling me to quit trying to control life....just go with the flow and make the best of things.  Deep breath.....still trying to figure out the yoga breathing.  Got home and attempted a 30 minute power nap....again interrupted by weeping and gnashing.  Got ready for work and was about to leave and they put me on call.....said I was probably gonna get called in but they didn't know when.  I didn't care as long as I got my yoga in (wow can't believe I said that).  My husband's office has been converted to a yoga and mediation room....complete with space heater (should have seen the looks he got buying it at Lowe's in August).  Ram and I got about an hour in of yoga.....kuddos to the intro course for him being able to lead me.

Space heater on far left!

Got done....yeah can fill in that box on my journal.  Showered, pjs, meditation(much easier the second time-one day must have messed me up), got in bed, did my reading, turned out the light and ring ring.  Noooooooooooooooooo!  Okay.....suck it up and get up.  Went into work with a smile on my face and was greeted with "you are getting two admissions and they will both be here in 15 minutes."  Such a 

lucky girl am I.  Guess I should be grateful I have a job.

Road trip....It speaks for itself!

Day 5-Being Fully Present

They college road trip crew.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Since today was my rest day( gosh knows I needed it after five days straight of intense yoga and sleep deprivation), I totally checked into the college experience at OCU.  We went to classes, hung out in the student center, ate in the cafeteria, and took several tours.  I had a blast.  No yoga or meditation today....no time.  I felt a little guilty but was enjoying reflecting on my "glory days."  I definitely was "fully present on that trip."  We even did some crazy teenage girl car dancing on the way back to the "Glee" soundtrack.  I may not have made much progress on my yoga journey today, but I sure made some memories.  We got home at 2:30am!!!!!  I was feeling my age then.

Day 4-Revelation

This is really nasty!

September 23, 2010

Whoot......I got to sleep 8 hours.  I awoke though feeling like the yoga truck ran over me.  I got up and did my 5 minute meditation which flew by.  I had a revelation when I was done.  I still seemed to struggle with the purpose of sitting for 30 minutes doing nothing.  I understand quieting and calming myself for 5-10 minutes, but 30 minutes twice a day seems very wasteful to me especially since a have no time to spare.  Then it dawned on my Barron's book is called "40 Days to PERSONAL Revolution".  It is personal.  I can make my meditation time what ever I want.  I have for years wanted to carve out quite time for stillness, prayer, and reading scripture.  I am not sure why I have never been successful at it, but this time is exactly what I need.  Now my goal in 5 minutes quite time, 10 minutes reading the Bible, 10 minutes prayer time, and 5 minutes stillness and listening-twice a day.  Funny yoga and this challenge may be what brings me to what I have always desired to have.....a close relationship with whom I believe is my Creator.  Wow....epiphany!  I can already see me opening up to new things and ways of "doing life."  I decided to take coconut milk to class instead of water (my mom recommended it for hydration) as a new experience.  FYI-if you get the kind that has pomegranate in it....gross.  I did drink most of it though.  I went to the noon class today since I was moving kinda slow.  Soreness had set in after 5 days in a row of intense yoga.  I got to class and there were a few people already there.  I thought about moving from my nice comfy back row window spot up a row, but was unsure what the coconut milk was going to do to my insides so I stayed put.  I felt a little stronger in class this time.  I had a already dropped five pounds since starting on Monday.  I even did 3 wheels (aka back bends) holding them for 10, 15, and 20 seconds.  I was pretty proud of myself.   I celebrated by going to Subway and getting a veggie patty sandwich.  That evening we hit the road for a seven hour drive to Edmund, Oklahoma to check out a college for my 17 year old sister whom I am raising.  We got into the hotel at 1:30 in the morning so meditation consisted of laying in the bed calming myself to sleep.  Tomorrow is my rest day!!!!!!!

Day 3-Fumes

This is the outside of the yoga studio.

September 22nd, 2010

Once I got off work I drove straight back to the yoga studio for morning class.  I was so tempting to crash and burn at home, but I had just said I was determined the night before so I didn't want to wimp out.  I changed clothes at Whataburger and then headed to the studio.  I was so tired I drove right by the studio and had to double back.  Excellent I am 20 minutes early......nap time on my mat next to the space heater.  I am pretty sure I was snoring this time.  I got my same comfy spot in the back by the window.  Only one person to have to worry about falling on.  Class went well.  I was actually catching on and think I was falling in love with the Tree pose-seriously.  Went home.....meditate.....sleep.  Only 3 hours this time, but I didn't have to return to work that night.  Awesome.  Did the afternoon taxi again...cheer, football, etc.  Tried to make an effort at each place be "fully present."  I got to sit with some old friends at our sons football game and made an effort to not get on my iphone but to enjoy the game and time with then.   That evening after all the kids were in bed I took time to enjoy watching TV with my hubby.  Sadly we both fell asleep on the couch.  Meditation time was a simple prayer in bed that night.  I need to slow down....but when.

PS....still haven't eaten meat and I am not missing it.....except Chik-fil-A

Day Two-Part 2-The Group

My Workbook

Well I managed to get 4 hours of sleep.  I am discovering how little time I spend taking care of myself and how hard it is to carve out time for this "revolution."  Once I was vertical, I headed straight for my meditation spot.  The five minutes flew by.  Maybe because I knew how jam packed the rest of my day was and I didn't want to face it or maybe I was just too tired to move.  I said a quick prayer to get me through the rest of the day and then I was off to the races.  I did the afternoon shuttle service of piano lessons, making dinner, etc.  Then I headed off to my group.  I had to find someone to cover the first part of my shift (from 7p-10p) so I could go.  I begged my boss to let me go and offered to work OT on Saturday night.  I wanted to be a giver not just a taker-at least that is what I told her.  I arrived with not much time to spare.  The room was really full-20 or so people.  We spent some time with intros and reciting the confidentiality agreement.  We discussed the reading for the week and anything on our mind. I brought up that I wasn't used to being so close to people physically.....I talked about how close we were to each other in class.  I feel very vulnerable being close enough to touch my neighbors toes with my nose.   What if all the beans and tofu affect my body?  I was encouraged that I would get used to it.  Then they assigned us an accountability buddy.  I guess they thought I needing some extra watching so I got two buddies.  I would have included their pictures but I didn't want to make them think I was a stalker on the first night.  We got to discuss some questions with our buddies then we did the affirmation circle again.  This time I said, "I am determined."  I am determined to keep my commitment to this challenge even if I don't get to sleep.  I also don't want to have to answer to my hubby for all the money I spent to do this so I plan on getting the full yogidom experience.  Soon as we were dismissed I headed straight to work all night.  Yipee!  Kuddos to my good friend Misty for covering for me.

Day Two-Double Duty

This is my second home for the next 40 days-FYI this is the view from the back row.

Day Two-September 21, 2010

Holy cow(no pun intended).... I went 24 hours without eating meat.  Although I hear Chik-fil-a calling out to me on the way to yoga this morning.  No point stopping in since everything that is good there is made from chicken.  I also may have to add a new title to this challenge....."40 days of no sleep."  I left for yoga after working all night (7p-7a) at the hospital.  I knew if I didn't go right away there was a large chance I would not do my yoga for today and I didn't want to blog that I was a loser on the second day.  So I went to the 8:45 am Power Hour class.  After I changed into stretchy type clothes (aka-old running leggings), I went to pick a spot in the room.  Since it was my first  class where someone knew my name and I would have to see these people again I made sure I was in the back row (aka slacker row, tardy row, or row for people who don't want to get noticed-me!).  It was wall to wall and I was a little alarmed at how close bodies were.  I laid down on my mat and instantly noticed my neighbor's feet about three inches from my face.  I was so grateful only the wall was behind me and no one's face was in my toes-I am sure that would have smelled delicious after working for 12 hours.  I will be socially responsible and bring wet wipes to clean my feet should my coveted back row spot get taken.  I was about 15 minutes early.   Perfect-power nap time before power yoga time.  I felt like I was turning into butter as I laid on my mat right next to the space heater.  Ahhh.....wonderful white noise.  I hope I didn't snore.  My teacher Nancy led us through an hour of bendy stretchy posing stuff....I still am clueless when she would call out movements.  I don't think some of the class was in English either.  Wondered if I was the only one in class who had no idea what Chaturanga Dandasana and Utkatassana meant.  I do know that Savasana is my new favorite.....lay on your back....aka class is done.  I managed to make it through without falling on someone or slipping off my mat (it was like a slip-n-slide).  I even got a good job from my teacher.....she gets paid to say that.  Me and my jelly legs beat feet out of there to race home and get some blessed sleep.  Did cave and get a buttered biscuit from Chik-fil-a (but no chicken)-just wasn't the same.  I got home and remembered that I needed to do my 5 minute meditation before bed.  I just kept drifting from my meditation wishing it was over because my back hurt.  Again another 5 minute eternity.  Good smelling candle though-kuddos Ram.  Sleep-4 hours-that was all I could afford.  Meditate again.  Went by faster-had to really focus on my breathing because I was feeling stress about the afternoon of homework, piano lessons, house chores, and yoga group tonight.....oh and then back to work.  Got most of my afternoon business done.  Noticed I had already dropped 4 pounds-I am sure it is in the puddle of sweat I had on my mat.

Now off to 40 days to Personal Revolution meeting at the studio........

Day One-Yogi journey begins

This is the book we are using as our guide on 40 on our challenge.

Monday-Sept 20, 2010

Well I made it to the start day!  I have heard it said getting started is half the battle.  I began this day at work working 7p-7a.  I have never backed down from a challenge but I am unsure of where this one will take me.  I began logging my food diet at midnight.  It really makes you think twice about what you are eating when you have to write it down. I am going to try and not eat meat for 40 days.   I came home and every being in my body said....."Go to bed."  I had to go do five minutes of meditation first.  Okay....light candle.....start timer.....relax.  Man my back hurts.....I am so tired....check phone......what only half the pie is gone......focus breathe.....I think I am about to fall asleep......gong....gong.....gong.  Okay wait....need to talk to God for a minute or two.  Okay.....bed.  Sleep four hours.  Meditate again.....thank goodness it is only 5 minutes. Yoga time.  Heated up the "mancave".....aka new yoga space and did 20 minutes of posing.  Found it rather relaxing considering how sore I was from my class the day before.  Okay done......wait.....I am supposed to be training for a marathon.  Ran 1 mile and then 

decided I may have to scale back my training for the next 40 days.  Okay ready for work.  Back to work.  Hmmm....day one not too hard.  Would really like a chik-fil-a sandwich....no I would have to put that on my blog that I was a loser on day one.  Tomorrow class in am and meeting tomorrow night.....also work and kid taxi service.  Sleep is really overrated.

September 19, 2010- Last day before Personal Revolution

Here I am after finishing my first 90 minute Baptiste hot yoga class.  I actually just put that shirt on less than a minute ago.  My pants felt like I had been swimming!

Breath and Body Yoga-Austin, Texas

September 19 (the day before the 40 days):

Ram and I decided to cap off our weekend of Austinpalooza by going to yoga.  I was thinking great way to relax and unwind before heading back to H-town and going straight to work.  We had a great weekend of ziplining (almost wet my pants), dodging bat poop in kayaks under Congress street bridge, and riding Segways (Ram on a Segway-need I say more-those who have seen him drive).  Not to mention I was thinking I needed to pay the piper for all the food and drink I inbibed!  We get to the class Sunday morning and are met by a very young welcoming group of yogis.  Omar (I think I am old enough to be his mother) helps check us in and says he will be our instructor.  He gives us these cool blankets with grippers to go over our yoga in a box (aka cheap) mats to keep us from slip sliding around and soak up the sweat.  We go and sit down (in the back of course) and I start watching fellow classmates stretching and getting blocks and more towels so as not to stick out I do the same (having no idea what I am doing).  Cool upbeat Indian music is playing and I think "cool maybe we are gonna get jiggy!"  As the class time draws closer, more and more people come until we are wall-to-wall with our mats.  I literally couldn't stretch my arms out without touching anyone.  Whoa......I am gonna get up close and personal with my neighbors.....thank goodness one of them was my hubby.  As class starts the heat in there increases and bye-bye fun music hello weird breathing and grunting sounds.  They actually did a few ommmmmms at the beginning which was fascinating to hear.....never heard a cool vibration sound like that.  Thank goodness I had learned a few poses from the Ramster so I could fake knowing what I was doing.  They had two class assistants- young women (also old enough to be their mother) walking around helping position you.  At first I felt kinda weird-them touching my human sweat machine, but as class went on I found their hands quite reassuring.  They would gently put blocks or blankets under you and guide you into the right pose.  There was a lady in front of me probably twenty years older than me who is my new hero (besides my mom).  She could do everything!!!!!!  At one point we went into inversion (aka stand on your head).  I had to keep from busting out laughing to think they actually wanted me to try that with people within inches of me.  Amazing people all over inverted.  I just put my head in the position and then I felt the assistant try to help me and spot me.  I think she really wanted me to put my legs in the air, but there was no way I was going to do that.  I actually did do a bridge for a few seconds and wondered what happened I could do that all the time when I was 8. Finally, after my mat and my area was coated in body funk we got to the best part of class.......laying flat on my back.  

While I was laying there an angel descended from heaven and placed an ice cold aromatherapy smelling washcloth on my face.  Ecstacy!!!!!  I wished we could lay there forever.  Once class was over it was like I hazmat zone on the wood floor trying to get out without slipping on a puddling of sweat and cracking my head open.  Paints a nice picture.  They gave us mat defunk spray and to clean our mats off with and yummy watermelon slices to butter us up to come back.  It was great to go to a class for the first time where I wouldn't see those people again in case I started crying and wound up in the fetal position.  I am proud to say I made in threw without vomiting and actually am really excited to start my forty day revoultion tomorrow.  I wonder if I will feel like the yoga truck mowed me up in the morning?

PS....I am also going attempt to be a vegan for the next 40 days.....we'll see!

First Mediatation Attempt (t-minus 4 days to yogidom)

The view of my mediation table

Being the overachiever that I am, I decided to get a head start on my 40 days of personal revolution.  I set up my meditation space with the things they suggested.  It is in what we call Ram's "man cave"  aka nerd nest aka his office.  Since it is only now being used to do yoga and escape the children it is a perfect meditation space.  It actually is our finished in attic space and has two doors to keep out the kids.  Being the technology geek that he is, Ram helped me love and iphone app called Equanimity to time my meditation.  It gives you a 30 second warning then gongs and then a big circle shows up on the screen to time you.  You don't see how long you have in minutes, it just fills in the time by shading the pie.  Okay, I was all set now.  Candle burning, butt on blanket (so it won't fall asleep), and silence.  Here I go.....five minutes.....I can sit still for five minutes and do nothing right?  I hit the start button and focused on the candle flame.....gong sound and closed my eyes......I keep telling myself just breath and don't think about anything.  Good it has to have been five minutes.....should I look at the pie on my phone.....no wait a little longer....be a blank........breathe......relax......okay I should be about done.......glance at phone.......1/3 of pie is gone........seriously........this felt like 10 minutes not 2 minutes....okay focus.....relax......breathe........ahhh there you go........what do I have to do next today......stop it......focus....breathe......glance at pie.........1/2 gone.......what.......five minutes is eternity.......breathe......relax......good......gong.  Wow I did it.  Longest five minutes ever.  I am not sure about this but will keep my commitment to do this twice a day.  Hope it get easier.  Can't imagine week six doing this 30 minutes each time.  On a bright note......found that after it was over was the perfect time to talk to my Creator about my life.  Hmmm....at the very least this time should help me build a better time with my God.  Interesting that yoga and meditation may help move me into a closer communion with God.  Maybe I should lobby for a yoga and meditation room at church.

Intro to Baptiste 40 days to personal revolution night

This is the greeter at the yoga studio

I pride myself on being a transparent person.  One that has never been shy or quiet.  So I thought I would blog about this journey I am about to take, also I am required to keep a journal and typing is much easier than writing (truth).  So how did I wind up here at this night?  I am still not quite sure.  My mother has been a yogi for years and opened her own Baptiste studio a year ago.  Maybe there is some draw to being a tofu eating yoga doing girl.  I would love to turn into one of those tree hugging emaciated vegan yogi, but not sure if this middle aged , slightly fluffy, wife, mother of 4, and full time ICU nurse has it in her to make that drastic a change.  Hubby hit mid-life, lost 60lbs, and began meditation and yoga as a new hobby.  I guess maybe I want to check out the competition or keep up with him so I have decided to enter his world. Maybe I just want an hour out of the house to myself.  Who knows why I here and what is going to become of this.

Orientation Night (Tuesday Sept. 15, 2010):

Okay so I decided to check this yoga thing out.  Can't hurt right?  An hour kid free! So what if I have to stand on my head to get some peace. Got to help my running. Since I don't have enough to do I am also training for a marathon.  I didn't want to be late so I arrived 30 minutes early. Sat in my car already realizing I had left the comfort of my suburban life and drove to a really groovy part of the city.  I am sure my hubby loves this area, me....wondering where the soccer fields and playgrounds were.  As I sat there I sized up the studio.  In was in an old house down in what used to be know at the gay area of our city.  Had to text my hubby to find out where the entrance was.  Okay I'll admit I was very nervous.  Got out and walked around the back of the house to the entrance and as I was about to enter and instructor was walking out to unlock to back door to let a class out.  Wonder why they lock them in?  Prevent escapees?  The instructor was soaked in sweat.  I thought should I make a run for it.  She told me to just wait til the class cleared out (aka-the sweat funk smell) since the studio was small.  I sat down on the back porch and look straight at a Budha statue staring at me.  Seriously?  What is a suburban, church going, soccer mom doing here?  Are they gonna try and convert me to Hinduism?  Am I sure I want to go in?  Next thing I know is the class starts coming out.....every last one of them soaked.....wondering are there misters in there?  They began to clean the sweat off their mats and some of them had to put clothes back on since they were half naked.  Oh my.....I am not showing that much skin in there.  Don't they know I have had a bunch of babies?  I finally enter the room and wonder what happened to the air conditioning and the aroma therapy?  It has been replaced by a heater and the smell or sweat socks.  Wondering if they locked us in already so we can't make a run for it.  As I sat there I thought I can do anything for 40 days even be a sweaty yogi.  They explained the program.  I will need to do yoga 6 times a week (at least 4 at the studio), read, meditate twice a day, and try to follow the recommended diet.  I was relieved to hear I wasn't gonna have convert to Budism actually this was going to enhance whatever spiritual practice we have......mine could use a boost for sure.  It was basically a program to make me a better person.  I was now excited.   I always need to be a better person.  As we got ready to go we did an affirmation circle....kinda reminded me of AA not that I have been, but we went around and said "I am..... or I will....."  Then everyone responds "yes you are or yes you will."  I said, "I am open to new experiences."  I figured you couldn't argue with that since I was sitting in a circle with grown people sitting on little bitty cork blocks as chairs.  I actually opted for the floor cause I thought I surely that didn't look comfortable.  Well I as I left I signed the commitment contract and plopped down some cashola for the course (that will keep me committed).  So I will be a yogi for the next 40 days.  Actually won't really start til Monday, but I will post each day through the journey so my accountability person can just read up on how I'm doing.  Sounds like AA still.  Maybe all the guru's got drunk and said "let's see what happens when we twist your foot this way-ahhh looks cool we'll call it lotus."